Gordon in the morning: I like Icke

There's a big showbiz story in the Sun today - the claims that Amy Winehouse is going to be put under 24 hour guard by her family.

That's bylined Virginia Wheeler and Pete Samson.

So what's Pete's supposed boss concentrating on, then?

Gordon's busy with a tale that claims David Icke and Robbie Williams are hanging out together, which is mildly diverting (if true) but since it's just a claim by an unnamed source, it's the sort of thing you'd imagine being palmed off to someone further down the bench.

The "source" observes:

It’s an odd acquaintance, to say the least.

Is it? Both are keen on football; both are awash in an LA which doesn't take them seriously; both believe in aliens and stuff like that a little too much; both are people who were in the public eye who are clearly damaged; and, of course, both have performed on the main stage at Glastonbury. And since they met in a restaurant, both are moving in the same circles.

What is notable, though, is that the words "Bizarre editor" have been dropped again from Gordon's byline.

Elsewhere, a photo of Dita Von Teese and Victoria Beckham stretches Gordon's comedy skills:

CHECKING out VICTORIA BECKHAM and DITA VON TEESE together reminds of looking at a Dulux colour chart in B&Q.

The palest woman in showbiz came face to face with one of the most perma-tanned yesterday at Paris Fashion Week.

Apparently, then, colour charts only have two colours on them.

It not only doesn't work as a joke, it doesn't even really work as an observation, either: Beckham, although admittedly perma-tanned, has it done expensively and so doesn't have one of the extreme colours like, say, Judith Chalmers; Von Teese isn't, to be honest, that pale.

But Gordon's not going to let it go:

I have to say, I think Victoria’s Tango glow would work much better in my lounge than Dita’s dazzling white sheen.

They could call it Spiced Orange.

We'd like to think that Gordon painted his living room orange - really, we would - but Beckham isn't orange; and she's certainly not the orange colour of a fizzy drink.