Monday, January 14, 2008

Gordon in the morning: Now with lazy national stereotypes

This morning, Gordon turns to Basshunter - by which we mean "lifts his lead story in its entirety from Popjustice" - and hte online orgy snaps featuring Jonas Altberg.

Naturally, Smart takes the opportunity of two Europeans having sex to trot out some old-fashioned europhobia:

BASSHUNTER – who is No1 with his annoying trance anthem Now You’re Gone – is living up to the Swedish national stereotype of being a bunch of dirty beggars.

JONAS ALTBERG, the man behind Basshunter, has suffered the shame of his bedroom exploits with Dutch (no surprise there either) girlfriend Emely and a group of pals surfacing on t’internet.

Ha! The Swedes and the Dutch! Always having sex. Abba and Rembrandt. At it like jack-rabbit jackhammers, they were.

Gordon doesn't approve of this sort of thing:
Apart from the heavily edited ones you see above right, the pictures are certainly not suitable for a family newspaper.

Thank god Gordon looked at all the pictures to pick out ones we could see without, you know, turning Dutch or something.

Young Mr. Smart seems a little queasy at the idea of someone who can enjoy sex without resorting to coy innuendo and euphemisms:
“I can honestly say that I like sex. I like very much to use my body for what I was born to do and I’m not really the shy guy. I want to show the world.”

He sounds like Borat, this fella. But he won’t be getting a high five from me, not least because his music is murder.

In what way does he sound like Borat? Because he's European?

Gordon worries about the parents:
And who found the pictures? His mum.
[...]
No pride should be taken in putting his parents through the horror of seeing their son in action.

Since Gordon tends to fill his columns on quieter days with detailed considerations of the order in which he'd have sex with Girls Aloud, or his desire to have sex with the woman he's writing about, we can only assume that the senior Smarts don't bother with their son's column.


5 comments:

Anonymous said...

http://www.myspace.com/goagssmarty

for the links section?

gibbo said...

Did he really write "t'internet"? Bjork's decadeagomania is infectious.

Anonymous said...

Of course, Smart is as European as Basshunter, however much he may resents the fact. To use "European" in the sense that excludes the British is to play into The Sun's hand. "Mainland European", if you please.

For a British person to hate Europe and Europeans is a form of extended, blown-up self-hatred, and so it is no surprise that people such as Smart seem riddled with a fundamental self-disgust, an utter refusal to accept who they actually are, as opposed to who they wish they are.

Anyway, "Now You're Gone" is almost unlistenable compared to the original Swedish-language version "Boten Anna". One begins to wonder what Smart would have to say had *that* gone to number one. But the fact that he feels the need to post this kind of propaganda shows precisely how subversive it still is, how *offended* and *frightened* certain people are when such music invades a cultural territory they normally take such delight in using for their own geopolitical purposes. I have been pointing out for some time that, after the Blair Decade, Eurodance is the only subversive pop music left in the wider British cultural context. Articles like this prove it.

Anonymous said...

I was wondering about that myself: "but...Smart, you're European technically too". So, agreed with Robin Carmody.

BASSHUNTER – who is No1 with his annoying trance anthem Now You’re Gone – is living up to the Swedish national stereotype of being a bunch of dirty beggars.

Pejorative stereotyping aside, I'm personally all in favour of Scandinavian sexuality if it's as laidback and open-minded as I keep hearing. It's certainly more appealing than Smart's laughable puritanism.

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