Monkeys won't go to the Brits

The 3AM column is all of a twitter because The Arctic Monkeys won't got to the Brits. The Mirror's team believe they're afraid of Take That:

Arctic Monkeys are planning to freeze out the Brits because of their head-to-head battle with Take That.

The Sheffield band have a frosty relationship with their Manchester rivals and they even clashed at the Q Awards in 2006, when Alex Turner called Gary Barlow and the boys a "load of b*******."

Now the Arctics - whose song Mardy Bum seems strangely fitting - are determined not to run the risk of losing out to the comeback kings live on ITV.

Or... could it be that they're not going to go to the Brits because they tend to not show up at the big televised events? In 2006 they accepted via a taped insert; in 2007, they accepted via a taped insert... perhaps they've just been really, really scared of Gary Barlow?

It couldn't be that the organisers of the Brits are desperately hoping to goad the band into actually turning up by seeding a 'they're afraid of Jason Orange' tale in the papers, expecting Alex Turner to see it and say "they're saying we're frit... we'll show them...", could it?