Darkness at 3AM: Worst. Headline. Ever.

Yes, leaping out from the page today is the must-read eyecatcher headline of:

ITV1 show

Ooh! That's toxicity gone gossipy or whatever it's supposed to be.

Yes, they're reduced to reading through the TV Times to choose things they might want to watch:

Guilty Pleasures is a new ITV1 show in which celebs and pop stars get to belt out the cheesy songs they secretly love.

We've expressed reservations before about the whole 'Guilty Pleasures' concept - and the implication that you should be ashamed of what you like - but at least the Radio London concept played some songs you've not heard for a while and got artists you like to do songs they might not normally play.

It's a fragile concept, so how will it transfer to ITV?

We're looking forward to seeing Kelly Osbourne cover Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse Of The Heart. Get the big hair and shoulder pads on, Kel!

We love the idea that Kelly Osbourne is more artistically valid than Bonnie Tyler. It's like trying to improve on a home-cooked meal by shoving it in a microwave single-portion box.

Oddly, having tried to position themselves as different to Gordon, this week the 3AM Girls are trying to write like lads, so we get them pawing over Victoria Beckham's arse:

We swore she didn't have a backside last time we looked but it seems that Posh Spice has now got the best seat in the house.

and then trying to work up some enthusiasm for the Kitten pants shots:

In a weekend of freezing cold weather, there was some hot Frost in London...

Atomic Kittens Jenny, Natasha Hamilton and Liz McClarnon brought heat to a chilly evening as they reformed for one night and sang in their undies at London's G-A-Y club on Saturday.

It's not entirely convincing - it's like when the glossy magazines decided that bisexuality was fashionable and for a couple of months hitherto comfortably straight women on nights out half-heartedly grabbed each other's tits and kissed each other, but only once an evening.