Even more darkness at 3AM: Which awards did they go to?

We're surprised to read on the 3AM website how well the Osbourne's performance went off last night:

We were expecting four-letter outbursts and presenting skills worthy of Sam Fox and Mick Fleetwood's Brits nightmare.

But Ozzie and Sharon Osbourne's performance was worthy of a Brit in itself.

Drafting in Kelly and Jack to help them with the proceedings, it was a blunder-free and faultless display.

Helped by slick scripts and even slicker autocue, there wasn't a fluffed line in sight. The highlights included Sharon leaving daughter Kelly speechless by introducing fat DJ Chris Moyles as "my future son-in-law".

She then drew an equally pained expression from hubby Ozzie when introducing Jonathan Rhys-Meyers as "a man who is so gorgeous he needs a good licking, and I think I'm the woman to do it."

Be scared, Jonathan, very scared...

Yes, not only do they keep mis-spelling Ozzy's name throughout the piece, but they somehow have managed to miss all the fluffed lines, Ozzy introducing Paul McCartney about five minutes too early, that odd bit where Sharon screwed up and Kelly filled with a panicky 'ho-ho, we're all having fun' laugh... it's almost as if they filed the story just after the event had begun, isn't it?