Gordon in the morning: Cheryl's ignored his advice

Having spent a week getting excited at the prospect of Cheryl divorcing Ashley, preparing to share his drawer-full of young men's phone numbers and making it clear only a split could satisfy him, how does Gordon react to, erm, Cheryl Cole giving her marriage a second chance?

By castigating Cheryl, of course, and telling her off.

Sorry, we mean giving "pals" the space to tell her off:

Cheryl's a fool to forgive Ashley

It's not clear if he means Cheryl's friends, or just Gordon's - the byline suggests the latter:

By RICHARD WHITE and GORDON SMART

Considering there's two people writing it, nobody seems to have given too much attention to the writing:

Until Wednesday, Cheryl, 24, had not seen Ashley, 27, since The Sun revealed he bedded blonde hairdresser Aimee Walton, 22 — then offered her cash for an abortion.

The Sun offered Aimee cash for an abortion? Or did The Sun offer the money to Cheryl?

No, we know what happened, but since the paragraph is written on the asusmption of no background knowledge of the story, you think it might be clearer.

Elsewhere, Gary Barlow's moaning that Take That only win Brit Awards voted for by the public and not the Academy is given more space than it deserves because Gordon was able to run the picture of him with the band above it. Barlow could have been calling for Murdoch to be run out of town on a stick and, with that picture, it would have appeared in the paper.

Gordon also has a bizarre little rage at ITV for shifting the last couple of McCartney songs to ITV2:

I FEEL for the viewers who missed out on the full MACCA set from The Brits.

ITV shunted Sir Paul on to ITV2 towards before some memorable tunes.

Viewers on ITV1 did see him sing Dance Tonight and dedicate classics Live And Let Die to his beloved first wife LINDA and Hey Jude to JOHN LENNON.

You feel for them, do you, Gordon? You share the pain of... who, exactly? As long ago as last September, 85% of UK households had digital TV (and it's fairly safe to say many of those that don't aren't that arsed about watching television anyway) so, effectively, you're shedding tears for people who couldn't be arsed to change the channel on their digital remote control. Will you be offering them counselling?