Gordon in the morning: Not such a breast expert

Given that he spends so much time talking about breasts, you'd expect Gordon to know something about them. Apparently not, as he responds to a picture of Cheryl Cole wearing a Fashion Targets Breast Cancer shirt without apparently realising what it is:

THINGS look brighter for CHERYL COLE as she steps out in a garish yellow top.

It might be considered a little tacky to describe something worn to promote a charitable end as "garish" without at least acknowledging that there's more to the garment than just being a tshirt. Let's hope one of the journalists at the Sun can brief him properly before poppy day.

Gordon is delighted that Cheryl looks happy in the shot:

I reckon Cheryl is looking much happier now that she’s sorted out her marriage.

That'd be the one you've spent the last month telling her she can only be happy if she walks out on, wouldn't it, Gordon? The one where the trouble started not only because her husband behaved like an arse, but because you made the humiliation very public indeed?

Gordon also carries news of Robbie Williams' claims that he's seen three UFOs and that

He says he also believes cult Scientology “exists”

Uh... Gordon, the cult Scientology does exist. You want to get yourself up Tottenham Court Road, you'll get yourself a scoop. Perhaps what you mean is that Williams believes the fairy-story at the heart of the money-making cult, which would confirm that he's got no judgement worth considering.