It's not all writing about breasts, you know: Gordon's actually got a proper, decent story this morning:
If they gig for 75 minutes on both nights, they will trouser a jaw-dropping £8,000 A MINUTE.
We don't know where he's got the figure from, but assuming it's true and he's not merely dressed up a story he read in Billboard with a made-up figure, the scoop - and the accompanying picture of a very-smug looking Chris Martin - is a pretty solid one.
Of course, Gordon thinks this is brilliant news, and then spends some time getting excited - excited - over the prospect of a new Coldplay album before ending on a weak pun:
And, with long lens shots of Cheryl Cole's ring finger and Pussycat Dolls in "undercrackers", it's quickly back to business as usual.