Gordon in the morning: The difference between wit and crudity

Gordon claims that Pearl Spam and Gavin Rossdale's kid "model" Daisy Lowe is dating Mark Ronson. Clearly, he's got a problem as this is his big story for that day, and "Ronson dating Lowe" is all he's got. Trouble is, he's had to spin a three word story into 500-odd words - so desperate to fill the piece, not only does he mention Powder but even finds space to mention Institute, Rossdale's barely-functioning vanity project.

Let's assume that it's just the desperation of trying to fill a page from nothing that accounts for the awful headline:

Pushing up Daisy

We know Gordon isn't writing for the Church Times, but even by his standards that stands out as a spectacularly crass and crude piece of work.

In fact, it's starting to look like Smart is struggling to find anything to fill his acres of space with. Woman you've never heard of wears tight t-shirt, anybody? Even Gordon acknowledges that he's struggling with the "celebrity" value of this piece of celebrity gossip:

US GIRL group DANITY KANE are fairly unknown over here.

But...

Is there a but?

member AUBERY O'DAY is doing her best to change that by wearing this see-through top.

The top, it's worth noting, isn't actually see-through at all, but you can - if you're about thirteen years old and have nothing better to do - make out the shape of her nipple through it when a photo is taken in bright light.

Hmmm. Photos of breasts of anonymous young women. You could buy Nuts if you really wanted that, couldn't you?

It's also worth pointing out that, far from trying to make Danity Kane "known over here" by wearing clothes, O'Day was actually turning up for an interview with MTV in America. Is it really plausible that she thought "let's see if I can get in the British papers by accidentally showing the shape of a nipple?"