Darkness at 3AM: Where's Norris McWhirter when you need him

Excitement at the Daily Mirror as Madonna goes to number one with her new album. 3AM breathlessly informs its readers:

Madonna breaks record in this week's charts

Wow. Really? Which record?

The 49-year-old held off Portishead's comeback album, to record her 10th UK chart-topper.

And so ten number one albums is a record, is it?

Only The Beatles and Elvis have done better, with 15 No. 1 albums and 11 respectively.

So, then, that's the sort of record where it's the third-best performance, then?