Sit down, and then place your head between your legs. For today, we come to offer our sympathy for Gordon Smart, not to point out how shoddy he is. Just for today, like.
Gordon got cornered by Jay-Z in a nightclub ("trendy London club Paper", as Gordon puts it) to take issue with Smart's Gallagher-pandering review of Mr. Z at Glastonbury:
"I’m not one of those guys who gets cut up about good or bad reviews but you missed the moment, man.
"It was a first for Glastonbury and you didn’t get it. You’re a non-believer. I was making history and you missed the moment."
Not that he could care, Smart's paper's full of shit, and he only reads the racecard, anyway.
"I made history on Saturday and that can’t be taken away from me.
"It was something new, never done before, and I’m proud."
And Beyonce's fuming.
There's nothing more pathetic than someone over-reacting to a review which diverges from their self-image; you'd have thought that Jay-Z would have had a little more dignity than to indulge in this sort of thing - and, certainly, he might have chosen to argue on grounds of quality rather than his misplaced "history in the making" mythology.