Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Gordon in the morning: Story without make-up

It must be a quiet day in the world of celebrity misbehaviour - either that, or Gordon is desperate to try and please Chris Martin. How else to explain the fawning but pointless "article" about Gwyneth Paltrow going out without any slap on? Reading Gordon, you'd assume this was on a par with having discovered how to teleport:

GWYNETH PALTROW steps out without make-up and looks radiant — naturally.
[...]
Gwyn-credible ... Paltrow without make-up at do

Gordon is so desperate to try and drum up some sort of story, he's reduced to listing the names and ages of those who, erm, aren't in the picture:
Gwyneth was also without COLDPLAY front man hubby CHRIS MARTIN, 31, or kids APPLE, four, and MOSES, two.

Two year old child not at some vague "do". I'm shocked.

Could you perhaps wrap the whole story up with a bemusing pun that doesn't quite work, Gordon?
Everyone at the party seemed happy with her natural look — well they didn’t give her any lippy, did they!

Still, there's thinner stuff this morning: Winehouse has been collecting Euro 2008 stickers as a gift for Blake when he's released (presumably alongside a sherbet dib-dab and a copy of the Beezer). Or, as Richard White puts it:
AMY WINEHOUSE has picked up her most shameful habit yet . . . collecting footie stickers.

Of course, it means we probably owe Gordon an apology. Back when he ran this story a year ago, we assumed he was just making a lame drug allusion:
Amy’s new hubby BLAKE FIELDER-CIVIL was spotted entering a toilet cubicle at the pub with his crackhead idol PETE DOHERTY.

My guess is they were either swapping football stickers or comparing notes on how to look after successful women.

Perhaps Gordon really did mean he thought they were swapping football stickers all along.


3 comments:

Anonymous said...

if you hate the sun and smart so much why continue to buy the paper and rip it apart? finding holes in their journalism is a bit like punching a small child repeatedly in the face: its easy to do but doesnt impress anyone (and isnt that funny)...

Olive said...

You're new here, aren't you?

simon h b said...

Anonymous:
You can actually read Gordon's column for free on what he calls t'internet. No money changes hand as a result of the GITM feature.

Clearly, you've never attempted to punch a small child in the face if you believe it's an easy thing to do, by the way; you also make the assumption that I'm setting out to "impress" people. Nobody blogs to impress people; it'd be like learning how to make balloon animals as a means of making huge earnings. I find the existence and popularity of Bizarre bemusing; I think it's worth chronicling British journalism's weak lemon drink.

If it's so easy to poke holes in Gordon's column, the question is why doesn't News International employ someone to do it before the items run in the newspaper?

I'm noting your "just ignore it if you don't like it" advice, though. A handy phrase to live by, don't you think?

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