Gordon in the morning: Where the wild things aren't

You've fallen off the wagon. You've made yourself look a bit of knob by chasing a model younger than most of the whiskeys you drink. You've let down your wife. Your humiliation is public.

But the worst thing of all? Gordon Smart reveals that it's unlikely that Ronnie Wood will now appear in The Mighty Boosh's Christmas cash-in ("tie-in") book.

But it's clear that Gordon genuinely believes that this is a loss - the Boosh and the Stone were working on a retelling of Where The Wild Things Are, which gives him the chance to run through the plot of the story. You might think that summarising a children's book is money for old rope, but the story is probably the most complex thing that's appeared on Bizarre for months.