What Mozzer wants: "if a Mercedes S-500 is not available, then a Lexus, BMW or Jaguar will also be accepted"
Morrissey's rider for his date in Israel has appeared on the Ynet website. It's quite an eye-opener:
לפי הבקשה, מוריסי דורש שיעמידו לרשותו רכב פרטי עם נהג מקצועי שיהיה זמין בכל עת להסעת האמן. הרכב חייב להיות בצבע שחור עם חלונות כהים: אם מרצדס S-500 לא בנמצא, אז לקסוס, BMW או יגואר יתקבלו.
Didn't you always know it?
For those of us whose Hebrew is, at best, rusty, Morrissey Solo has got a translation. Some of the detail is suprising:
Morrissey demands a private car with a professional driver available to drive him at any time. The car must be black with dark windows: if a Mercedes S-500 is not available, then a Lexus, BMW or Jaguar will also be accepted.
Blimey - Morrissey in a Lexus. A black one, mind. Now, we can understand the desire for a driver, and can even see the wish for a certain level of comfort (although a grudging 'a Jaguar will do' is a bit of a stretch). But insisting on the colour? Isn't that going a little far?
The food requests are fairly reasonable - although providing a photo of the brand of butter is a wee bit anal. Talking of which:
A private bathroom only for Morrissey – a must.
Morrissey: You Are Not Kenneth Williams. Share the bloody toilet.
Of course, rumours about the rules on food have circulated for years. Now, we know they're pretty much all true:
All food should be vegetarian. For everyone. Including all crews, stands and attendants inside the venue and in its vicinity. If there is a barbeque spot nearby, the artists' room should be placed so that the wind will not be in their direction. All food should be fresh and healthy and mineral water should be supplied all the time. A balanced diet must be kept and upheld.
Oh, pity the poor soul who is charged with ensuring that, should the wind change, the artists all be moved to the other side of the building from the smell of cooking hamburgers.
It's not clear if this is because the smell of searing flesh is so offensive to Morrissey, or because the odour of hot dogs present a delicious challenge to his principles. We've been veggie for two decades, but oh, the smell of frying bacon still whispers 'surely one pig... wouldn't be so very bad...'
Morrissey does not eat any kind of chili or spices.
All that spicy foreign muck, as my great aunt used to say.
In addition, the food in the venue (whether sold at the stands or brought by the audience) shall be completely vegetarian – meat will not be allowed inside the venue.
Woe betide you if you try to sneak in a Peparami.
Finally, though, it's all about the love:
"Morrissey does not tolerate any sort of violent or aggressive behavior from any crew member, security guard or policeman. Everyone shall be treated equally and with dignity at any time."
Not, though, so much respect that you can share his crapper. There are limits.