Surely, there must be a competition at Bizarre to see who can get the worst pun actually into the paper. It's the only explanation for this:
Cheeky singer is yawny Allen
Meanwhile, Gordon's love affair with Oasis reaches new heights as a rubbish photo of Liam jogging sends Mr. Smart in the sort of sports commentary you'd have got on On The Hour:
He’s no Haile Gebreselassie but if he carries on like this it won’t be soul he’ll be digging out, it’ll be his 32in Levi jeans from 1995.
Just imagine, eh, Gordon, those tight jeans clinging to Liam's arse as he swaggers about. And as he turns round, perfectly cupped by that aging denim - perhaps just a faint hint of fraying down to the right...
No. I'm feeling a little queasy now, and I never got as far as the phrase "threesome with Serge".
The team have, of course, turned in a crap not-a-pun for this story, too:
Manc singer is Liam Galloper
Actually, that's not that bad - by current Sun standards, anyway. Although you don't gallop when you jog. Unless you're able to go slowly faster than a cannonball.