But... but it wasn't even with tongues or anything

A church in Columbus, Ohio has taken the lyrics of Katy Perry's I Kissed A Girl and amusingly turned them into a wayside pulpit which condemns people to the fire-filled pits of hell for all eternity where their bodies might burn and they know pain and horrors forever.

This must seem pretty harsh to anyone passing by who doesn't know of the song. Especially if they're a bloke. "Goddammit, when did that become a sin? And does it matter that it was on the cheek?"

The preacher tries to make himself sound like a reasonable joe rather than some hateful old bigot by vaguely suggesting that God would approve of his spite:

"It's not something that is really a shock if you're a scriptural person," said the Rev. Dave Allison, pastor of the 100-member church at Havens Corners and Reynoldsburg-New Albany roads. "We meant that as a loving warning to teens. … The Scriptures tell us that you should not do what the song tells you to do. The Scriptures are not ambiguous on this issue."

Actually, I'm not so sure there is anything in the scriptures that unequivocally damns women for a quick snog, but then I've not made my career in trying to frighten people out of their sexuality so I can't be sure.

And it turns out that the sign is, actually, pretty ambiguous:

Allison said he has heard from people who, he said, either were not familiar with the song and didn't understand the cultural reference, or didn't understand the message.

So, Katy Perry, having opened this cultural wound, is just the person we can turn to to provide some riposte, some sign that she was in control of the forces she was about to release, right?

Right, Katy Perry?

this… is why there’s a disconnect.

Erm... thanks for that, then.

[via Breesays]