Gordon in the morning: He doesn't know, either

A pointless piece - to which Gordon adds his own byline as well as the Gordon In The Borrowed Suit branding - this morning: An unnamed friend of Ron Wood's wife Jo says that she's given up on him after an unnamed friend of her son said that he'd been seen drinking neat vodka. An unnamed friend (sorry, a "close chum") of Ron denies he's drinking - albeit offering the shakiest of evidence:

“Ronnie O’Sullivan scored a 145 break and everyone left with a smile on their face. It was all good, clean fun.”

The closest thing to an on-the-record fact?

A spokesman for the star last night refused to comment on whether he was boozing.

Gordon's awful headline kind of underlines the point:

Rolling drunk or still Ron the wagon?

He doesn't know.

Still, elsewhere, there's e-commerce in action, as a piece about, erm, The Cheeky Girls sunbathing has a sales message stuck at the foot of the text:

Find your own cheeky girls with a 72-hour FREE trial at our top dating website sunsingles.co.uk

Perhaps this is going to be commonplace on future Bizarre articles - making Gordon make some money. Amy Winehouse pieces rounded off with "would you like love that's so strong even being thrown in the big house for GBH can't dim the passion? Try Sun Singles", that sort of thing?