Gordon has a tale to bring a tear to the eye: Sony have screwed up the release of Leona Lewis' cover of Snow Patrol, robbing her:
LEONA LEWIS has been robbed of a No1 single by a blunder which has left the singer’s team and fans furious.
The superstar was due to release her version of Run for download this week after she performed it on her return to The X Factor on Saturday.
But due to a bungle at Sony, the song has not been available online and this week’s planned internet release has been shelved.
It's worth bearing this in mind the next time some moist-eyed RIAA type tells you about how all they care about is their artists. Gordon points out this isn't the first time they've messed her about:
When she went up against BEYONCE KNOWLES, BRITNEY SPEARS and CHRISTINA AGUILERA in a Diva Day chart battle, with all four releasing singles on November 3, the download of her track Forgive Me was released a day after her rivals’ songs.
This left her playing catch-up and Forgive Me eventually only managed No5.
Whereas, of course, those extra day's sales would have helped her... well, make it to number four. But it's the principle.
Meanwhile, Pete Doherty has sponsored a football team's kit. Hey - Pete Doherty: he does drugs, doesn't he? Surely there must be something amusing to say about that. Actually, there probably isn't:
Pete has a crack...as striker
PETE DOHERTY plans to “score” every week — as a striker for a pub footie team.
Shooting up (front) ... Pete Doherty
A close pal said: “Pete is a very good footballer who scores again and again.”
I believe the phrase is "you've done that one - ed"
The big question, of course, is has Gordon seen sense and quietly dropped the Timmy Mallet business?
I’ve turned Inspector Clouseau in my search for the famous prop from his 1980s cult TV show Wacaday.
Turning Clouseau? Are you sure that's quite the image you were going for, Gordon?
Clouseau is a bumbling and incompetent police inspector with the French Sûreté, whose investigations are most notably marked with chaos and destruction that he himself largely causes. Immensely clumsy, his various attempts at solving the case frequently lead to misfortune for himself and others; in the 1976 film The Pink Panther Strikes Again, he cannot even interview witnesses to a crime without falling down stairs, getting his hand caught in first a medieval knight's glove and then a vase, knocking a witness senseless, destroying a priceless piano or accidentally shooting another officer in the backside. Clouseau is also not particularly intelligent, and will frequently follow a completely idiotic theory of the crime which often accidentally allows him to solve the case. His sheer incompetence, clumsiness and stupidity combined with the fact that he is sometimes right is enough to eventually transform his direct superior, Chief Inspector Dreyfus, into a homicidal psychopath – to such a degree that Dreyfus even went so far as to construct a doomsday device and threaten to destroy the world in a desperate attempt to kill Clouseau.
Actually, reading the wikipedia entry for Clouseau, I'd have to congratulate you on the similarity.