Gordon in the morning: Christmas spirit

Having somehow taken the credit for the BBC decision to do a Christmas Top Of The Pops after all, Gordon Smart looks forward to Christmas Day:

CRACKERS won’t be the only thing going pop on Christmas Day.

Today I can reveal the acts who will be gracing our TV screens on the Top Of The Pops Christmas Special.

Perhaps he should have asked Pete to give him a hand with this one - crackers going pop? "gracing our TV screens"?

Smart reveals the surprising line-up: it's bands who've had number ones this year. But someone is missing:

More acts for the special will be confirmed in coming days but I can spot a gaping whole in the line-up.

Rock veterans STATUS QUO have released their first festive song, It’s Christmas Time, but are absent from the pop-orientated performers’ list.

I can feel another campaign coming on...

But hang on Gordon - surely you won't have to campaign, will you? After all, you told your readers there was a good chance that the Quo would have the Christmas number one, in which case they'll appear on the show as reigning champions.

Elsewhere, Madonna has done a clothes advert for some company or other - Louis Vuitton or Per Una or something. Gordon, of course, wouldn't be as easily swayed as to run a heavily airbrushed advert and pretend it's a news story. He does, however, have commentary to offer on the photo:

WELL-HEELED Material Girl MADONNA has never been averse to the odd spot of dressing up.

And she’s stil-etto pretty good at it too.

The pop veteran shot the glossy promo pictures in a traditional Parisian bistro.

She took the opportunity to show off her well-toned pins, topped off with killer stiletto heals.

Hang about, Gordon... did you say this was shot in Paris? And it's a woman wearing fishnets? Aren't you forgetting something?

Oooh la la.

That's better.