Gordon in the morning: Eddie Murphy does some Riddling

Thrillingly exciting exclusive news from Gordon and Jess Rogers this morning, claiming to know who's going to be in the next Batman movie:

FUNNYMAN EDDIE MURPHY will play The Riddler in the next Batman movie, The Sun can reveal.

"Funnyman" is always a bit of a rubbish description of a person, but even more so when you're talking about Murphy, who scientists have proved hasn't done anything funny since about 1974.

Execs have also signed up rising Transformers star SHIA LABEOUF, 22, to play Robin.

Still, quite a scoop there, Gordon - let's hope you're not ending the year with a duff Eddie Murphy story. You know, like the way you started the year with a duff Eddie Murphy story and claimed he'd got married to Tracey Edwards. It won't be like that, will it?

Hang on... what's this in CinemaBlend this morning?

The Sun claims that Eddie Murphy has been signed to play the Riddler and Shia LaBeouf is set to play Robin. This is entirely untrue.

We spoke to a proven industry source of ours earlier tonight who confirmed to us not only that the rumor is a fake, but where and how The Sun got their information. Unfortunately, in order to protect our source's anonymity we can’t tell you. Ain’t that fun? But we're certain, there’s no truth to this at all.

So, The Sun have built a story on "insiders", while CinemaBlend are knocking it down on a "proven industry source". You pay your money...

I've been told, by the way, by a small knitted teddy bear finger puppet, that The Riddler is actually going to be played by Phil Cool "taking Gordon's funnyman, and raising it with a rubber-faced funnyman."

Gordon also runs a story about Uri Gellar wanting to hid subliminal, positive-thinking messages on singles:

The Israeli-born spoon-bender has become so concerned with the prospect of global financial collapse he’s teamed up with his pal MICHAEL JACKSON in an attempt to safeguard our future.

Uri now wants to bend our ears with an uplifting subliminal message on selected singles. It features himself and Jacko calling on people to think positively in a bid to end recession.

Wasn't Uri in the papers recently explaining that he doesn't see so much of Michael since Jackson got kind of busy?

Still, Gordon does weigh the benefits of his plan as if Uri wasn't a self-publicising sideshow:

His cutlery-curling career was plagued by allegations that he was a fraud, and he was unable to bend spoons chosen for him when he was on The Tonight Show in the US in 1973.

But we know the credit crunch is biting — unemployment is spiralling, house prices collapsing... someone has to do something.

But certainly not Uri. And certainly not this.

Yes, because once you switch on a mumbling subliminal message from Uri and Jacko, how would you switch it off? Within weeks, we'd all be a race of over-positive superhumans. There wouldn't be a safe spoon on the planet.