Gordon in the morning: ... and Rupert too

With Rupert Murdoch standing up to claim ultimate responsibility for the New York Daily Post's editorial cartoons, we can only conclude that everything that appears in all his papers is really down to him.

So, what has Gordon Smart been doing in Rupert's name this morning?

Yes, more minute-by-minute coverage of what Lady GaGa is wearing. Today, though, Gordon's not impressed:

THE trouble with making your name by going out in your pants is that you need increasingly inventive ways to grab people’s attention.

LADY GAGA is clearly struggling with this predicament.

She walked to a photoshoot in Paris looking more like a shop window dummy rather than cutting-edge.

It's unclear if Gordon really hasn't thought through that - if she's on her way to have her photo taken outdoors - she might also have something on to keep her warm on the way and that to criticise a paparazzi snap of someone on their way to have a proper photo taken is a bit like going on the Coronation Street set and complaining that Sally Webster's house only has three walls.

On the front of Bizarre's website this morning, there's an eye-catching headline:

Lapdances, LiLo and me - By Lily Allen

No, it's not the oh-so-90s attempt to suggest that exploiting other women is somehow titillating and empowering, it's that "by Lily Allen" byline. Has she written a first-person story for Gordon, then?

The story - when you can get past Gordon's vibrating prose - turns out to be just another interview:

LILY ALLEN has been sounding off about how much she likes naked lapdances and LINDSAY LOHAN.

She likes nothing better than spending the night ogling scantily clad young women in stripclubs.

I have to admit that she is starting to sound like the perfect woman to me.

What, Gordon, because if she was you girlfriend she'd be able to find ways to keep herself entertained?

The singer, enjoying her fourth week at the top of the singles chart with The Fear, said: “I signed my publishing deal at Stringfellows and had a private dance. One of the naked ones.

“And I went to Spearmint Rhino the other day — for six hours. I’ve had lapdances there. It’s fun. I like having a chat with the strippers.”

Last month she also confessed that she once “snogged lesbian twins on a couch in San Diego”.

The really puzzling thing, though, is that this is the second day running Gordon's Bizarre pages have run this story. Yesterday it did the same story, at greater length, and remembering to credit Q from which it was all lifted:

“I went to Spearmint Rhino the other day actually, for six hours. I’ve had lap dances there. It’s fun. I like having a chat with the strippers.”

The singer insists she’s not gay despite another recent confession that she “snogged lesbian twins on a couch in San Diego”.

Gordon's got form for filling his pages with little more than stuff he's read in other places, but this is the first time he's recycled one of his own stories the next day.

Oh, there is one difference, though, between the two stories. You know Gordon's opening claims that Lily "likes nothing better" than going for lapdances?

This is from yesterday's longer story:

She said: “I signed my publishing deal at Stringfellows and had a private dance.

“One of the naked ones. It was really embarrassing. It’s quite awkward if you’re not attracted to women, and I’m not."

So not quite the enthusiastic embrace that Gordon was suggesting and certainly more complex than the selective editing in today's article implies. Is this the first time someone has misrepresented a story their own column had printed the day before?