Obviously, overnight, Bizarre has been remade to mark Chariots Of Fire II - so it's probably not fair to hold Gordon responsible for this headline:
Slumdog and Kate Win-a-lot
How better to celebrate a great night at the Oscars than by comparing Kate Winslet to a big box of dog biscuit?
In the print edition of The Sun, Gordon is leading with a Robbie Williams story:
AS a super-rich pop star, you would expect ROBBIE WILLIAMS to indulge his passion for poker at the world’s most luxurious gambling resorts.
He could go “all in” at Monte Carlo or Vegas — but instead he is choosing to hit the tables in not-so-glamorous Swindon.
Really? There must be something amazing that Swindon casino - unless it's something like the one closest to the place where he's living. Then the story would be like "man chooses supermarket near his house" or "local pizza parlour delivers pizza", wouldn't it, Gordon?
So, what's so special about the Swindon casino?
But The Robster — during breaks from gazing up at the sky searching for flying saucers — has become a regular at the club’s poker nights close to his multi-million pound Wiltshire mansion.
Elsewhere in Bizarre, Gordon continues his stalkery-like detailing of every outfit Lady GaGa has ever worn:
The US singer, real name STEFANI GERMANOTTA, took her quest for global domination to Germany at the weekend – and sported some seriously kinky leather.
"...then, she wore a Mr Men tshirt to bed, and in the morning cleaned the room wearing a blue shirt and what looked like a basic M&S skirt. But I fell out the tree before I could check that."
The "and I've found out her real name" detail doesn't make any less the stalkery, does it?