Gordon in the morning: Madonna is computers

Wow. Who knew there was still mileage left in the Madonna-Mrs Madonna divorce?

Actually, there isn't, but Gordon's team are going to have a go.

Guy calls Madonna 'IT'

IT? He thinks she's information technology? Can this be right, Sara Nathan?

It turns out she means It. Not IT:

A source revealed: “Guy will say, ‘Oh, It’s in a bad mood today’

Would rather than will, don't you mean? After all, there's not much reason why Ritchies should be reporting on the twinges of Madonna's moods at the moment, is there?
Could this story be as whiskery as... well, this mock-up which we're told is meant to represent either Madonna as Cousin It, or Cousin It as Madonna.

“Even towards the end of their marriage, he would call her It. He told people, ‘We can’t make It angry’.

"Even" toward the end? Like when they were splitting up? Is it surprising that his contempt for his wife should grow rather than decline as the marriage failed?

“There is absolutely no love lost between them.”

That's quite a scoop. If I didn't know better, I'd think Sara's kind of hinting around that the pair might be heading for the divorce court.

Gordon, meanwhile, is cleaning up at the NME awards:

Now I hear bandmate SARAH HARDING has also found herself in hot bog water.

She was at the NME Awards’ aftershow bash when staff trying to close the club found her in the toilets.

Apparently Sarah didn't want to go and started to complain when helped towards the exit.

Gordon is quick to spot the parallel:

WHAT is it with members of GIRLS ALOUD and toilet attendants?

CHERYL COLE ran into trouble in 2003 when she was accused of assaulting a loo supervisor in a club.

The odd thing, though, is the appearance of the word "accused" there - does Gordon not know that she was actually convicted of assault occasioning actual bodily harm? With the judge telling her that "this was an unpleasant piece of drunken violence... you showed no remorse whatsoever"? Or does Gordon recall that, but is afraid to remind people of what happened now that Cole is being lined up as some sort of new Kylie?

Fair enough, there's no need for Cole's conviction to be dredged up all the time, but if you are going to write a story that relies on her punching a poorly-paid toilet attendant, should you really soften the facts to make it sound as if it was an accusation rather than a verdict in a jury trial?