Gordon in the morning: Didn't you do this yesterday?

Having spent yesterday slobbering - I think it was slobber - over Girls Aloud wearing PVC and leather in photos, today Gordon moves on and slobbers over Girls Aloud wearing PVC and leather in a video:

In it, CHERYL COLE, KIMBERLEY WALSH, SARAH HARDING, NADINE COYLE and NICOLA ROBERTS feature as S&M aliens, hurtling towards earth in their own meteorites.

Erm, no they're not. If they've made it to the Earth's atmosphere, they're in meteors; if they haven't, they're in comets. They'd only be in a meteorite if they'd stopped hurtling and had hit the surface.

They also don't look very S&M to me, either. Putting on some rubber knickers doesn't automatically make you into S&M; not only is Gordon confusing his space rocks, he seems to be having trouble with the difference between domination and fetish wear.

Still, Gordon isn't a science writer and there's no reason to assume he'd know about sex, but he does know about entertainment, right? So his coverage of Mel B investing in a French cinema channel to be carried on his master's satellite service will be spot-on, right?

Gallic cinema not being my forte...

Oh.

I got my art whizzes to come up with a prime example.

Aha. An amusing mock-up. You're not just going to cut out a picture of Mel B and stick in a still from a French movie, are you?

So here’s what Mel would look like in Sixties flick Belle De Jour alongside stars such as smoking hot CATHERINE DENEUVE.

Oh.

Hang about, though, Gordon - how about telling your readers a little about the film?

BILLIE PIPER’s hit TV series Secret Diary Of A Call Girl was loosely based on the classic flick, about a housewife who becomes a hooker.

Well, if by "loosely" you mean 'was based on a blog written by someone who used the film's name as nomme de plume', I suppose that's true. Although it might be stretching the concept of "based" somewhat.