Jackson "not sick"

I don't think there's a person alive, or indeed who has died in the last ten years, who would have expected Michael Jackson to turn up for all the booked London dates. But did anyone think they'd be falling apart quite so soon?

The first dates have, as you'll know if you weren't in the air all day yesterday, been "pushed back". But it's not because Jackson's sick or anything. Oh no, no no. No. No no:

AEG Live president Randy Phillips said the rescheduling had "absolutely nothing" to do with the star's health.

He added: "I would trade my body for his tomorrow. He's in fantastic shape."

I wouldn't go round saying stuff like that, Randy. Not only does it make you look and sound ridiculous, but I suspect Jackson might have a team of surgeons who have been waiting for just that sort of offer...

The official line is that the gigs have been pushed back due to "technical difficulties". The first night will now take place five days late, while some other July dates will not happen. Sorry, that should be "not happen until March 2010".