Gordon in the morning: All the fun of the unfair

While, undoubtedly, Michael Jackson will have requested some home comforts at the house he's rented to stay in when he's busy canceling his O2 dates, is Gordon Smart sure about this?

The King Of Pop has ordered the promoters behind his record-breaking 50-night residency in London to turn his new UK abode into a replica of his former residence.

Jacko, who is battling skin cancer, has told firm AEG he wants a bowling alley built in the historic Foxbury Manor in Chislehurst, Kent, and a fully-functioning funfair installed in the grounds.

Skittles, maybe. But a full funfair?

Is anyone else imagining a call to the Bizarre desk that went like this:

Gordon: Hello?
Source: Hi, I've got some news about the crazy demands Jacko's making...
Gordon: Really?
Source: Yeah, he wants a bowling lane in the manor
Gordon: Oh.
Source: A full-size one.
Gordon: Oh.
Source: Erm... and... um, dodgems. He wants dodgems.
Gordon: Just dodgems?
Source: No... not just dodgems. Candy floss. And a big dipper.
Gordon: Ah... now this is sounding more interesting...
Source: A full funfair. He wants a full funfair.
Gordon: Brilliant. Where shall I send the cheque?
Source: Can you make sure you mention the bowling? That bit is true...

Gordon, of course, remembers Neverland:

But as debts mounted while he defended himself from child abuse allegations, he was forced to sell up four years ago.

Didn't the debts mount up as he spent more money than he had, regardless of child abuse allegations?

Meanwhile, Gordon is still excited about his showbiz chums Spandau and their big comeback:

SPANDAU BALLET’s album sales have soared 415 per cent since they announced their comeback tour.

TONY HADLEY’s group beat the 360 per cent boost for NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK when they returned last year.

Julian Monaghan, of Amazon.co.uk, said: “Comebacks can have a hugely positive effect.”

What's missing from this is any indication of how many records we're actually talking about. What is 415% of hardly anything at all?