Gordon in the morning: Cheque-mate

It's one of those mornings when Gordon has a good story. Faced with the potential loss of thousands of pounds in refunds from the bollocksed-up Heaton Park gig, Oasis have a plan:

Now Oasis are issuing refunds on cheques signed by LIAM and NOEL GALLAGHER and bearing a “Bank of Burnage” stamp, after the Manchester area where the brothers grew up.

This is reminiscent of that urban myth about the company which took payments for dildos, and instead of sending the product, sent out cheques for marked "Dildo refund". The hope being that people would be too ashamed to pay such a cheque into their banks.

I'm not saying that an Oasis gig is like a dildo, of course. A dildo can bring great pleasure, for a start, and can offer a number of surprising experiences.

The only problem with the plan, though, is that clearly Noel and Liam haven't actually signed 20,000 cheques. So they're hoping that people cheeky enough to demand a refund are going to want to keep a facsimile signature forever.