Gordon in the morning: Oh, mother

The trouble with Gordon's apparent decision to allow Simon Cowell to write huge chunks of the Sun's gossip pages to promote JLS is, as we've seen, JLS simply aren't interesting enough to support a constant stream of stories.

Today, for instance, it's yet another reworking of the "they like to party" angle, as it's claimed their mothers are angry. And the overheated coverage is now starting to collapse in on itself:

THE lads from JLS have told me that they've been in hot water with their mums - for appearing in this column too many times.

Presumably their mothers buy the Sun to read about celebrities, rather than people who lost a talent show months and months ago.

I've been reporting on enthusiastic pair ASTON MERRYGOLD and MARVINHUMES almost every day because of to their partying lifestyles.

Yes, who can forget "man buys a burger", for example?

I'm loving their lust for life.

Ah, yes. I'm surprised there isn't a Duke Of Edinburgh badge in 'getting yourself photographed by your management in order to keep a weak profile in a newspaper column with apparently nothing else to write about'.

JLS managed to put away five treasure chests of booze, six bottles of vodka and five bottles of champagne.

Not, of course, that The Sun thinks binge drinking is a good thing.

Still, I wouldn't want you to give the impression that Smart is so desperate to fill his columns these days that he'll give space to any reality TV show flop who can muster the merest scrap of name recognition. Look here, for example:

PRESTON'S Biz Session marked a career first - the former ORDINARY BOYS star's debut performance WITHOUT his bandmates.

Oh.