Gordon in the morning: The sun slides down behind the tower

Gordon stretches his mind this morning to try and bring us a think-piece in response to the news that Radio One haven't playlisted Madonna's new single.

And after some digging through chart history, that's the first time one of her singles has not made the playlist.

Not quite sure why you'd be digging in "chart history" to explore Radio One playlists - a bit like exploring House Of Commons history to find out who the leader of the TUC was; I'm also not entirely convinced that Everybody would have been playlisted, even if Burning Up was. Still, that's small potatoes, and Madonna not making the playlist is a marker point, if not quite as significant as Smart would like it to be.

You wouldn't expect an Elton John track, even if it was a violent return-to-form, to end up on the Radio One playlist, would you?

Madonna can console herself in the knowledge that at least Radio 2 have found a place for the song and have been playing it for the past two weeks.

Yes. Where there's overlap between her market and their target audience, you mean?

Still, this must be difficult for Gordon, having to run bad news about one of the artists he believes his readers cherish the most, right?

Her Madgesty's last album, Hard Candy, didn't do as well as expected. Probably because it was rubbish.

What... because it was rubbish? But I thought you called it an album with "an edgy, urban feel for her latest reinvention" with "a few tasty treats" when you gave it a good write-up last March? Sure, you did sound one or two downbeat notes, but nobody reading that review would come away thinking the album was "rubbish".

I'm also sick of the sight of her parading around in her undercrackers

Although as I've observed before, that seemed to come quite quickly, as one day you were still finding it quite exciting:

Queen Of Pop Madge, meanwhile, has been flashing her undies in new promo pics for album Hard Candy.

I wonder if Lady G will look as good when she hits 50.

.., and then the very next day you were pretending to be bored:

WHEN I set eyes on this picture of MADONNA yesterday I felt for the first time that I had seen enough of her posing in her undercrackers.

Literally the next day.

On September 29 Madge will release her latest Greatest Hits compilation, also called Celebration.

I think I'll celebrate when she finally puts her feet up and calls it a day.

You might feel that, Gordon. On the other hand, what would you do if she did go? According to Journalisted, you tend to rely on her to fill your column rather a lot: