Mark Lester to Paris Jackson: Consider yerself one of us

Tucked in the tawdry unfolding tragedy of the Jackson fallout, as Mark Lester chooses the News of the World to announce his suspicion that Paris is his kid, is this:

"It's been a secret for so long," said Mark. "In 1996 Michael asked me if I would give him my sperm and I said yes. It was a gift to him, no money was paid, it was something I was honoured to do. He wanted children so badly."

That sort of request has the ability to get very awkward very quickly:

- Can I have your sperm? Yes? That so... mffff... I meant in this jar, Mark. I meant in the jar... God, it makes your eyes sting, doesn't it?

The appearance of this paternity claim, naturally, is what Michael would have wanted:

"I'm the Godparent to them and Michael was Godparent to all my four kids. Our two families spent a lot of time together, and had a lot fun together. Now I'm not able to have any communication with the children. My repeated phone calls aren't returned and emails go unanswered.

"This isn't what Michael would have wanted. I feel I have to come forward, as my only way of saying, 'Please don't shut me out!'"

Yes, having constructed an elaborate ruse and pretended for a decade that the children were his, Jackson would so have been thrilled to see the story falling apart in the pages of a British tabloid newspaper.