Gordon in the morning: Not in my rebranded name

In a bid to try and distance himself from his own company, Rupert Murdoch is to change the name of News International to News UK.

It's a fresh start. Making it clear that whatever you think about the company that was prepared to hack into a dead child's phone in the search of a story, it's a totally different place. Gone is the callous behemoth who would try and exploit a child's tragedy for a few extra sales.

It's a new dawn. It's a new day.

So, News UK, what have you got for us to illustrate how your company is a different place?

Paris Jackson was ‘sent suicidal by strict gran’
Cousin Tanay reveals her rows with her Jehovah's Witness grandmother Katherine

By PETE SAMSON, US Editor
and JAMES DESBOROUGH

Never mind, Rupert. Perhaps leave it a week and see if News Europe works.

Gordon in the morning: Chop job

Well, this piece from Stephen Moyes in today's Sun is pretty clear:

MICHAEL Jackson’s daughter has vowed to “karate chop” convicted doctor Conrad Murray to make him appear at the family’s trial.

Nothing like making a daughter's distress at a doctor refusing to help her understand her father's very public death into a cartoon.

But still, if you're going to do this, you'd have a good reason for doing it, right? So, where does the 'karate chop' quote come from?

A source said: “Paris wants to kick Murray’s butt. She wants him to explain what pressure he was under to make Michael perform. When she gives evidence she plans to tear him apart.”

Oddly, this unnamed source doesn't even use the words "karate chop", and it's the only quote Moyes uses.

If we assume that there really is a source, and the quote is genuine, it's difficult to see where the karate chopping came from. (If the quote was just made up, that would have been even worse - forgetting to add the actual claim you're using as your headline into the substantiating article.)

There doesn't appear to be anything else on the web where Paris Jackson "vows" to "karate chop" anybody; references to her doing so just lead back to the Sun.

So: a 'news' story which totally fails to explain where this 'vow' was made. Good to see post-Leveson that things are changing at News International.

LaToya: Murder was the case. Or maybe stress.

It was quite clear that LaToya believed that Michael Jackson was murdered, right?

Oh... maybe not. Now she seems to have been persuaded by Paris Jackson's claims that he was worked to death:

La Toya, 53, reveals: “She said, ‘No, you don’t understand. They kept working him and Daddy didn’t want that, but they worked him constantly’. I felt so bad.”

No... hang on, it was murder:

She says: “I thought that from day one. You must understand something Michael always told me.

“He said, ‘If anything happens to me, if I die, it’s because someone murdered me. They’re trying to kill me’. It wasn’t that he was being delusional, they did this over the catalogue.

“He owned the Beatles catalogue. Most entertainers out there, he owned their music. He would say, ‘They’re going to kill me over that catalogue. It’s dangerous.’ Look what happened.”

He owned "most entertainers" music? Really? Do you want to nip off and check that before you want to decide which claim you'd like to believe?

Mark Lester to Paris Jackson: Consider yerself one of us

Tucked in the tawdry unfolding tragedy of the Jackson fallout, as Mark Lester chooses the News of the World to announce his suspicion that Paris is his kid, is this:

"It's been a secret for so long," said Mark. "In 1996 Michael asked me if I would give him my sperm and I said yes. It was a gift to him, no money was paid, it was something I was honoured to do. He wanted children so badly."

That sort of request has the ability to get very awkward very quickly:

- Can I have your sperm? Yes? That so... mffff... I meant in this jar, Mark. I meant in the jar... God, it makes your eyes sting, doesn't it?

The appearance of this paternity claim, naturally, is what Michael would have wanted:

"I'm the Godparent to them and Michael was Godparent to all my four kids. Our two families spent a lot of time together, and had a lot fun together. Now I'm not able to have any communication with the children. My repeated phone calls aren't returned and emails go unanswered.

"This isn't what Michael would have wanted. I feel I have to come forward, as my only way of saying, 'Please don't shut me out!'"

Yes, having constructed an elaborate ruse and pretended for a decade that the children were his, Jackson would so have been thrilled to see the story falling apart in the pages of a British tabloid newspaper.