Oasis: Probably not such a glorious new morning

Oh, we'd love to spend the next three days as part of a massive tea party, celebrating and clapping and cheering. But given that this about the nineteenth time one or other of The Gallaghers has gone home early crying, I'm not so sure we should take Noel's statement as a definitive end of Oasis:

"It's with some sadness and great relief to tell you that I quit Oasis tonight.

"People will write and say what they like, but I simply could not go on working with Liam a day longer."

"Apologies to all the people who bought tickets for the shows in Paris, Konstanz and Milan."

In related news, Reg, the guy who does building work on Gallagher's mansion, issued a statement:
"It's with some sadness and great alarm to tell you that I'm going to be responsible for Oasis getting back together in a month or so.

Noel will write and say what he likes, but I simply will be presenting him with a bill for shoring up the crumbling wall of the conservatory and repointing the brickwork on the southern side and tell him that unless he goes on working with Liam in order to pay me, I'm not even going to make a start on sorting the roof out.

Apologies to all the people who had hoped that was it."

In even more related news, Liam Gallagher was heard to issue a statement, yelling from a hotel bedroom:
"Noel? Noel? Where are you? It's dark and the lady says that I can't have any more beer as someone's closed down our bill... Noel? Noel? ... Noel?"

It's all fun and games enjoying the latest round of Oasis in-fighting, but let's not be too gleeful. There will be people worried about their futures in light of the axing of these gigs.