Twittergerm: Oasis

Ah, Simon Heffer, that you should be alive at this hour, to see the Daily Telegraph running a piece lifted from the NME cover story.

Actually, does it look worse for the Telegraph that they're pinching chunks from the NME's Oasis piece, or for the NME that their cover story fits snugly inside the Daily Telegraph demographic?

Either way, the Telegraph is mightily charmed with this snippet from Liam, the wittiest man alive:

Just days before Oasis headline the V Festival, the band's frontman said the pair last spoke during a row at an airport which left Noel in tears.

He said they opt to travel separately on tour and only see each other onstage and only contact each other on the micro-blogging site Twitter.

"He doesn't like me and I don't like him, that's it," Liam told NME.

Liam, honey, if Noel really didn't like you, he'd have blocked your updates months ago.

Actually, the Telegraph's prurience makes their coverage of the NME interview look more like a sodoku board:

Liam said today that the pair now simply trade insults on the internet rather than face-to-face "to save the------- tour imploding".

He said Noel wouldn't have the nerve to criticise him in person "because he's a ------- lightweight and he knows where he'd end up".

Liam continued: "We don't travel together, do we ... so I never really see him, the only time I see him is onstage and we're a little bit busy that time to be ------- scratching each other."

Liam said the last conversation ended in a row. "I think it might have been about some ------- ---- support band he wanted to play with us and he didn't ask my permission. So we had a ------- ding-dong in the airport and I think he started crying then – that was it – doesn't travel with me anymore."

The Telegraph's belief that this spares children and sensitive adults' feelings was rudely shaken when a party of nuns mistook the interview for a game of hangman.

[Yes, yes. I know that officially Simon Heffer is alive]