Gordon in the morning: Headlines and dead lines

-Hey, subeditor
-Yes, Mr Gordon, sir?
-I'm appearing on the television talking about how great Sun headlines are right now. It's a little awkward...
-...oh, I wouldn't say that, Mr Gordon, sir. A little stiff, perhaps, but not awkward
-I meant my request was about to be awkward, not my performance
-Oh. Really? Oh.
-Anyway, I want my column to live up to my claims in the advert. So can we come up with some clever headlines this week
-Well, we can try. Unless the stories are so pointless as to smother any inventiveness. What have you got for me?
-Some fan hiding in JLS' bags... why are you snapping your pencil like that?

Obsess baggage

That'd be the best they can do now. Perhaps the idea is that people will sit in the pub going "recess baggage? Obese baggage? Obsess backache? Oh... excess baggage."