Gordon in the morning: Super-awkward

This, apparently, is Bizarre holding a celebrity party backstage at a Beyonce gig and not, as it might look, that the accounts department at Geering & Colyer decided to beat the rush by holding their Christmas party early.

The caption in full:

The line-up ... Peter Andre, Joe Calzaghe with girlfriend Kristina Rihanoff standing outside the door, Gordon, Alexandra Burke and Frank Lampard whose new girlfriend Christine is outside with Kristina.

"Outside the door"? Also outisde? I've had celebrity pictures taken like that, Gordon - "nah, really, if that wall hadn't been there, and I'd had the picture taken ten minutes earlier, you might have seen me stood in front of Brett Anderson putting on his trousers."

Chelsea ace Frank has secretly been scoring with telly's One Show host for a few weeks. Or bending one in, in football lingo.

Isn't, erm, "scoring" also "football lingo"? (Just to make it clear, Smart means Christine Bleakley here, not Adrian Chiles. Although who's to say who is really 'behind the door'?

The whole Chipmunk-is-suicidal story has been resolved, at least in tabloid terms:

Luckily his management heard his cry for help and stepped in before the problem got out of control.

Hopefully Chip will never be driven to despair again.

Or, more likely, his management are hoping he won't tell people if he is.