You could almost feel sorry for Gordon this morning. Normally, his job is quite simple: you cheer for the popular, boo the unpopular, and effectively reflect back the reader's prejudices. Breasts? Hurrah! Druggies? Booooooo!
But what when approaching half a million people are organising to try and get Rage Against The Machine to block the X Factor number one?
The X Factor is popular.
But this is popular.
What side do you come down on?
Quick, Gordon. Can you find a way to have a pop at the BBC while you decide what to do?
On its release in February 1993 then Radio 1 DJ BRUNO BROOKES bungled by playing an uncensored version of it during his Top 40 countdown show.
The BBC were flooded by complaints from listeners stunned by the sheer volume of F-words the track contains.
Really? "Hello, BBC? I'm ringing to complain about the number of times the word 'fuck' was on the top 40. I wouldn't have minded a half dozen, maybe even ten, but this is just too many."
Still, Gordon has had some time to think: can you fudge your way out of this, not upsetting Cowell's PR team, while not appearing to side against a popular uprising?
I'm a huge fan of X Factor. It's a fantastic TV show which unites families around the box.
But it is a shame we've lost the traditional race for the festive No1.
I love you, Mr Cowell, but... oh, Christmas is a time for the kids, isn't it?
And Simon Cowell has picked MILEY CYRUS tune The Climb for the winner's song this year. It could be a WESTLIFE reject.
But I'm still betting that JOE McELDERRY will be the one releasing it.
... and that's the end of the piece. It's like he kind of forgot to come to a conclusion about the story he was actually writing and just switched back into X factor mode.
You've got to love the complaint that the song sounds like a Westlife reject, though - by the time it's gone through whatever sausage-meat-and-cosmetic unit gets to sing it, anything would sound like a Westlife reject. Look at the dead-fish song from last year.