Joe McElderry: Quick, before he melts

Steve Brookstein ("Joe McElderly"), the winner of the latest X Factor, is enjoying his moment while journalists around the nation write his name on their hands in a desperate bid to try and remember it. Joe has been talking to Telegraph:

The 18-year-old from Tyne and Wear said: "Oh, who doesn't fancy Cheryl Cole? Come on!"

He hailed her as the "best mentor" a boy could have and said she was like a big sister to him throughout the competition.

So she's like a sister who you fancy? Isn't that... you know, a little wrong?

Actually, Joe is very confused indeed:

X Factor's Joe McElderry: I fancy Cheryl Cole and I want to be George Michael

Very, very confused.

Actually, the George Michael reference is his plans for the musical direction he wants his career to be moving in - and why not? George Michael started taking himself way too seriously, neglected to make any good records and wound up as little more than a perpetual punchline. You're well on your way, young McElderly.

Meanwhile, Joe's offering good wishes to Rage Against The Machine:

His debut single, The Climb, is favourite for the Christmas number one but is threatened by an internet campaign urging people to spoil Simon Cowell' Christmas by sending Killing In The Name by Rage Against The Machine to the top of the chart.

A diplomatic McElderry said: "I haven't heard the song yet, but I just think it's healthy competition. Everyone's obviously battling for the top spot, so I'd just say good luck to them.

"That's like a dream come true, if I could get a Christmas number one. I'm crossing my fingers that it's giong to happen but whether or not it will, we'll see. It's a massive deal."

Bless him, it's like he doesn't really have any understanding of what's going on, does he? Does he think that this band have written a song and are challenging him? Are the people who are managing his career just not telling him about the groundswell of public opinion?