You know what's more dull than the sports pages of The Sun? Kasabian turning the showbiz page into the sports pages:
[Tom Meighan says] "Capello has come in and, without going into too much detail, he's disciplined them and sorted things out.
He then goes into too much detail. For no apparent reason.
Let's hope we get JLS on the curling tomorrow.
In other news, Dappy from N-Dubz has been "hit in the face". By his girlfriend:
DAPPY fears his voice has been affected after he was allegedly hit in the face by girlfriend KAYE VASSELL.
Don't worry, Dappy. There's every chance that nobody will notice if your voice has been "affected".
His bandmates are there for him, though:
TULISA has jumped to her bandmate's defence after the incident.
She said: "It takes a lot not to hit a girl back - I wouldn't have been able to control myself."
Well, it probably takes a lot of Dappy not to, what with his record of attacking women and sending threatening texts to people he's never met.