Gordon has forgotten his main purpose of late - that of running huge, pointless pieces about JLS. The JLS management team have sent their coathangers round to remind Gordon of his duty, and are rewarded with a piece which, once again, has Gordon posing for awkward pictures with the band and running a clanking story which focuses on the sheer amount of sex they have and that:
Aston said: "It's all about staying safe. We all think so. My mum sends me down a stash and I dish them out to the lads so none of us have to worry.
"I'd really be up for doing some kind of campaign about safe sex."
The boys even came up with a name for their contraceptive line - Just Love Safe.
Yes, brilliant. They've managed to come up with three words starting with specific letters. Truly, they are the Dorothy Parkers of our age.
JLS condoms, eh? The ones you choose if you're really only going to fill them with water and lob them about a bit.
There's also this slightly odd bit:
I GAVE the JLS lads an exclusive listen to The Sun's Helping Haiti charity song and they got a wee bit emotional.
A journalist gave a group of singers an "exclusive" listen to their own song?
It is worth looking at the page for the photo of the band staring grimly at a computer, with this caption:
Solemn ... JLS lads listen to Sun's song for Haiti
Solemn. You don't mess about when you're listening to Simon Cowell being a humanitarian.