I'm sure the news that her brother was arrested by police investigating a firearms offence will have caused many competing emotions in Cheryl Cole. Given his track record, though, 'shock' seems unlikely. Maybe resignation, or a sense of 'here we go again'. But shock?
In other clunking Cheryl Cole news, Gordon claims that she is - ahem - "gagging for it". No, no, he has a source and everything:
"Sex was the last thing on her mind when she was coming to terms with her relationship ending.
"But now she's over it, she wants a smile back on her face."
I think we can all make up our own punchlines here, yes?