Trumpeting off the front of Bizarre this morning is news that Cheryl Cole might want to think about opening a new savings account soon:
CHERYL COLE will get around £4.5million from love-rat hubby ASHLEY when she is granted a quickie divorce, The Sun can reveal.
Oddly, this story is credited not to Gordon, but to Lia Nicholls, showbiz reporter. Perhaps Gordon decided that he'd had enough Cole exclusives, after last week's story which told Sun readers, definitively:
GENEROUS CHERYL COLE is not asking for one penny from cheating husband ASHLEY in the divorce action she launched yesterday.
It falls to Lia to try and straddle the gap between Gordon's exclusive and her own:
The bumper payout comes despite earlier claims the singer, 26, did not want a penny.
The earlier claims came solely from Gordon Smart and Virginia Wheeler. Wisely, Lia decides not to mention the only people who'd made such a claim.
There is another question - if Cheryl not having any sort of settlement would have made her "generous", what does the decision to take four million off Ashley make her?
It turns out that this story is just another piece of speculation:
Insiders say he expects a £4million bill after he signed papers agreeing to lawyers' demands before jetting off to South Africa.
A source said: "He can't believe she will walk away with nothing. She worked as hard as him for their possessions."
Of course Ashley can't believe Cheryl wants nothing. He read it in The Sun, and who believes a word they see there?
The story ends on a slightly ominous note:
An England insider said: "The team have internet in their rooms and there's no question he'll be keeping tabs on her from afar."
Also, he knows a guy who breaks legs for a tenner. Be warned.