It's a bit of a thin day at Bizarre, with Gordon reduced to trying to create a story out of nothing:
LEONA LEWIS'S boyfriend has been noticeable by his absence from her live shows.
Has he? I don't think anyone noticed.
Her bloke LOU AL-CHAMAA was not there for the opening night of her Labyrinth Tour in Sheffield. Or the second night in Liverpool. Or Nottingham on Wednesday.
Man doesn't hang around while partner works out of town. Colour me shocked. Gordon doesn't mention if, when he went to see Leona in Liverpool, he dragged his wife to stand by him and watch him scribbling in his notebook. There's no mention of Mrs Smart in the review. I would have thought that completely normal, but now I'm not so sure it isn't a sign of something.
Perhaps Gordon is just worried about Lewis not getting the support she needs. After all, the headline makes it obvious she's struggling along on her own:
Who can not fail to feel sorry for her, abandoned to entertain-sort-of hundreds of people in the north, all on her own, eh, Gordon?
[S]he has got her mum MARIA and dad AURAL on the road with her, as well as her manager and the rest of her entourage.
The singer's mum has taken up a full-time job as Leona's personal assistant on the tour.
Poor Leona. For a loner, she must find it bloody hard to get any time to herself.
In other non-news, Charlotte Church has gone on holiday. Or, as Gordon would have it:
Love split Charl on secret hol
A secret holiday? What does that actually mean? Do you mean she's sitting in a hotel now, eating breakfast in a suit, pretending she's actually on a business trip?
Charlotte, 24, jetted off with the couple's two children after telling friends she just wanted to "get away from it all."
It's one of those secret trips where you tell everyone you're going on holiday, then. So why do you insist it's secret?
The Over The Rainbow judge flew out of Cardiff to a mystery European destination saying she did not even know when she would be back.
Ah "secret" in the sense of "I do not know where it is".
Let's hope Gordon doesn't carry a grudge. You'll recall that he was very upset when Diana Vickers ignored one of his team. However could Diana win him back over?
DIANA VICKERS has taken Bizarre behind-the-scenes of her video shoot for new single The Boy Who Murdered Love.
The promo sees the X Factor star sexing up her image as she sprawls on a bed in a little white dress.
Yes, That would do it.
Feel free to delete that little bit of respect you found for Vickers, standing up to the Sun for a little while.