Gordon in the morning: The coxless fives

For their first now-with-added-gurning video, Take That have shot a video with them messing about in a boat. Or, as Gordon puts it:

Back with Rob... and they've already had their first row

Row - do you see? Like rowing with oars, not rowing with angry words.

The video - which, Gordon insists, is "wacky" - has them pretending to be oarsmen. And what would the costumes be, Mr. Smart?

[they are] dressed as olden-day oarsmen

Olden-days? Olden-days?

Meanwhile, Gordon suggests - as he does every three days - that we're about to see a massive chart battle between Take That and Robbie Williams:

TAKE That have deliberately timed the release of their new album to force a Christmas chart battle with Robbie Williams, according to their record company boss.

So, they're coming out in the same week, are they?

The band bring out theirs in November - a month after Robbie's greatest hits collection In And Out Of Consciousness hits the shops.

That's not really a chart battle, is it? That's 'being available in shops which are already selling the other record' - in which case, Take That are having a chart battle with The White Album and Thriller, too.

Clearly, the timing of the records have nothing to do with a cunning chart battle, and everything to do with trying to hit the Christmas market, and nothing to do with picking a pointless fight.

Polydor Records president Ferdy Unger-Hamilton said: "The plan was put together by the band. It is brilliant."

Yes. By the band. Brilliant. Because when else would the records have come out, exactly?

"Let's not release a record which is mainly going to be bought as a gift in the middle of March."
"Jason Orange, you a genius."

Only a fool would fall for that. Gordon gives it a column all to itself.