Gordon in the morning: The Dogg and the Peacock

For the 40th anniversary of Coronation Street, we were treated to a cameo from Noddy Holder as a van driver. A van driver who, for no discernible reason, felt the need to bellow "it's Christmas" at the good people of Weatherfield, as if he was Noddy Holder. And as if it was Christmas, which it wasn't.

If you believe Gordon Smart's colleague Stuart Pink this morning, the 50th will be marked by a cameo from Snoop Dogg.

Mr. Dogg made some throwaway remarks about popping into the programme for the birthday, which Pink seems to have accepted at face value:

"I'd love to be in it.

"My people have reached out to the producers and we are going to do it.

"They should definitely put some Snoop Dogg in there. The butcher's will be the cool spot.

"I'd have my man David Beckham in there working with me. He's my guy."

Given that ITV's current plans are to have the viaduct collapse and a tram crash into the street - a storyline they've already done once before, although it was a train rather than a tram that time - at least Dogg's come up with something more original than the production team.

Despite this clearly being something that won't ever happen, it hasn't stopped Pink trying to come up with an example script of How It Might Be. Cue some dead-weight of Betty buying meat off Snoop but - ho! ho! - he's just trying to sell her drugs.

Meanwhile, as a nation wonders if Northumberland Police will have caught Ralph Mope or whatever he's called before Cheryl Cole is fit and working again, the stepfather of the bloke who went to Tanzania with Cole has now decided to try and get some the limelight thrown by Tweedy's life-threatening illness:

CHERYL TWEEDY'S close pal DEREK HOUGH feels so guilty about her getting malaria he's given up work to look after her, it emerged last night.

His stepdad Aaron Nelson, 54, said the dancer believes it is "all his fault" that the X Factor judge has the deadly illness.

How lucky we're between lucrative series of Dancing With The Stars, eh? Otherwise some of those lucrative jobs might have been really lucrative indeed.

Nelson claims Hough feels like it's all his fault:

The stepdad added: "Derek feels it's all his fault. He organised the holiday as something wonderful. For it to end up like this is terrible. He feels dreadful."

Given that he didn't ask the travel agent to include a life-threatening disease in the package, this seems a bit thin. To a cynical eye, this might seem more like an attempt to build some profile as (the husband of the mother of) the wailing boyfriend, turning down lucrative jobs so he can be photographed going in and out of the hospital.

Meanwhile:

GIRLS ALOUD bandmate NADINE COYLE last night urged fans to pray for Cheryl.

Well, that's good news, then. We can send the doctors home if God and the prayer-efforts of Girls Aloud fans are on the case.