N-Dubz drummer blames the system

N-Dubz's drummer, Aaron Fagan, has been convicted of sexual assualt.

Obviously, being a musician, he's not a proper member of N-Dubz; he doesn't even have a nickname. Although I think we could all think of a few for him. He's been found guilty of groping two women at a Mobos award aftershow.

But - guess what - it's a stitch-up:

"I'm a black man and I have been tried by a white jury. It's pretty clear what happened in that court and it's the opposite of justice”

You might give a bit more credence to Fagan's claims if he'd actually noticed that he wasn't being tried by a jury:

Fagan was convicted by Sheriff Joanna Johnston and not a jury.

But, hey, if there had been a jury, you can just bet they would have all been white, right?

Fagan, though, has a convincing explanation of how he clearly wouldn't have committed the offence:

He claimed that he had been touring all over Europe for years and would not have suddenly done something like this in Glasgow, which was "hardly a haven for models".

The old 'I didn't grope anyone from more attractive cities' defence - who can believe that didn't work?

The drummer also gave evidence at the trial and told the court that he is like "honey to a swarm of bees" when it comes to female fans.

So, that's a perjury trial coming up too, then.

Outside the court, Fagan railed that he'd been convicted without "evidence or CCTV", and then continued to wail about how unfair it is:

"Tell me how many people could have been convicted for squeezing a girl's arse, nearly every guy could be up for that."

Not, erm, that you squeezed a girl's arse, right, Fagan? There's no evidence or CCTV or anything, because it all happened in an imagined racist jury's imagination. But if you did: no, most men don't go round groping women they don't know.

Fagan will be sentenced next month.