She's got an immovable face; if you pick her up you're guaranteed to get some time on-screen from ITV and although there's some sort of glitz around her, really she's coated with disappointment.
No, no, this isn't about Jordan; this morning Gordon is being thrilled by the new Brits statue:
THE Brits 2011 are just over a month away and the biggest star of the night is... the statue.Very probably true, actually. Hasn't Gordon already announced the new statue once, though?
What will be exciting this year is the Mastercard British Album Of The Year in association with Bizarre.No. No, it won't. In assocation with Bizarre.
And who is going to be presenting this year?
JAMES CORDEN has finally signed a three-year deal to be the man in charge after JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE ruled himself out.James Corden? On his own? For three years?
Well, I guess we can all look forward to 2014, if nothing else.
Corden's last attempt at hosting the Brits was pretty bad - not quite as horrifying as Peter Kay's version, but it still took a team of men three days and a power scrubber to clear away the memories of Horne & Corden on the stage.
Still, at least the Brits organisers have their hearts in the right place - go with someone who, at least in theory, is a comedian, and capable of keeping the show light and the pace up, right?
The Big Dog won't be going down the comedy route of 2009, when he co-presented with MAT HORNE and KYLIE MINOGUE.So you've hired James Corden for his presentation skills?
In tune with the whole new philosophy he'll be playing it straight - much like CHRIS EVANS has done in the past.
You've also got to wonder about that shortlist. Sure, I'm sure the Brits team said "James, gonna be straight with you, we offered it to Timberlake, but he said no." I suspect they might have then skipped telling James about ringing up Jo Whiley, Justin Beiber, David Dimbleby, Davina McCall, Ronnie Corbett, Rhod Gilbert, the knitted character from Harry Hill, the cartoon stairlift that used to appear in Stannah adverts, Steve Coogan, whoever is currently doing overnights on BBC Radio Berkshire, whoever is currently looking after the reception desk at BBC Radio Berkshire and Matthew Horne.
I suspect that if Alexander Orlov finds a slot in his diary next February, Corden might find his three year contract curtailed somewhat swiftly.