Let's not be too cruel pointing out that two of the "news" items in Gordon's column this morning seem to be little more than puffs for programmes on ITV2 - some stations show a testcard; ITV2 wheels on Andre and Katona.
Instead, let's pay grudging tribute to JLS, happy to always spot when their fans' parents have some money left and quick to come up with a scheme to deal with that challenge.
They've hit their Spiceworld point now, with a movie being proposed. Oh, of course it'll be in 3D - so you'll really feel as if you're having blunt objects being battered right over your head.
Even the "source" seemed to find nothing to say other than this is a cash-churning exercise:
A source said: "The boys are keen to do a movie, it's the next logical step.To pad out the column, Gordon starts to talk about Help!:
"JLS have a huge fanbase who are bound to lap this up and see the film over and over again in the cinema, as well as buying it when it comes out on DVD. The lads can't wait to start shooting."
The Fab Four's film was a hit with critics back in the Swinging Sixties, according to my dad.You've got to love that panicky "according to my Dad", as if Gordon was afraid someone might think that - perish the thought - he knew something about the old days.
Seriously, Gordon: you think that 'knowing about the Beatles' is something you think you need to pretend you need help with? What is going on in your head?