Gordon in the morning: Textually enlightening about Cosmopolitan

Kelly Osbourne - who is still apparently available for work - has changed her hair colour again and, surprisingly, got a Cosmo cover out of it.

Even more surprisingly, this itself constitutes a story for Bizarre this morning.

But what can you say about 'woman dyes hair blonde'?

HELLO coys!

Hello coys? What's a coy? Why are you greeting it, whatever it is? What does this have anything to do with anything?

Still, at least you've not done the cliche-for-fifty-years of saying 'blonde hair=Marilyn Monroe", right?

Kelly Osbourne poses Marilyn Monroe-style - and forgets her past as a chubby wildchild.

Didn't Osbourne first "forget her past" about ten years ago? And hasn't she done so repeatedly ever since?

Back in November, the Sun had a picture of Kelly on the front of a magazine in a bikini, and trilled:

KELLY Osbourne proves she really has got in shape

And in October The Sun had her:

slimming down to a size six and wearing more feminine clothes

Oh, and in September, the paper mentioned she'd lost some weight:

But in recent weeks, Kelly has picked herself up, hit the gym and looked better than ever in a variety of trendy outfits at New York fashion week.

More than once in September:

But in recent weeks, Kelly has picked herself up, hit the gym and looked better than ever in a variety of trendy outfits at New York fashion week.

Much more than once in September:

KELLY Osbourne has never been a shrinking violet but she was more than happy to show off her new size 6 frame in a figure-hugging floral-print dress yesterday.

Much, much more:

KELLY Osbourne says she now has the "confidence to dress up" after slimming down to a size six.

How many more times can Bizarre churn a story out of 'woman loses a bit of weight'? If there isn't anything else worth mentioning about Osbourne, why are you writing about her at all?