Gordon in the morning: Olympian

The headline is pretty clear:

Girls Aloud set for Olympics

Really? Is the Team GB BMX squad scraping around for members?

No, of course, Gordon is telling us that the band are going to play at the Olympics:

GIRLS ALOUD are planning their biggest ever gig - to mark their 10th anniversary next year.

They have their eyes on the OLYMPIC GAMES for their landmark celebratory show.

Eyes set on... so you mean: they'd like to play?

[Manager Hilary Shaw] is now talking to promoters about a slot alongside top acts such as COLDPLAY and, potentially, THE ROLLING STONES.

In other words, she's hoping that by trying to make it sound like it's going to happen, by plopping the story in the press, it might have to happen.

Coldplay frontman CHRIS MARTIN is a big fan of the girls so he will fight their corner to get them on the bill. And KEITH RICHARDS wouldn't be found complaining either - with RONNIE WOOD on his best behaviour he'd be delighted with a better looking backstage boozing partner in Sarah.

Oh, yes. That'll swing it - there must be someone for Keith Richards to crash about backstage, pissed out their heads.

Apparently, the idea was to play Glastonbury, but they were the last people to find out that there isn't one next year; so instead, it's the Olympics.

Although actually, it isn't even the Olympics. If you were thinking "opening ceremony", or "closing ceremony", you'd made the mistake the headline was trying to get you to make. This is some grisly "best of British as judged by the sort of people who assemble gigs like they're trade shows" which is going to be happening in the O2 at the same time.