I'm sure there's a sworn affidavit from both Rob Lockhart and the hat, who find themselves at the heart of the follow-up to yesterday's story about Liam Gallagher's missing hat.
Rob claims to be the person who took the titfer. So, Rob, has anything amusing happened to you in connection with the hat?
He said: "I took it when he came down to sing to the crowd and I stuck it in my trousers.So, no, then. No actual anecdote.
"Liam looked at me and said, 'Please give it back', but I told him there was no way.
"He said, 'You'll pay for this,' then grabbed me and tore my jacket before security pulled him away."
Rob has a complaint, though:
The hat's only from H&M, though. I thought it would be from his Pretty Green label or something."Good god, Rob, famous people don't wear the tat they "design". They don't even design the clothes they design.
A high street hat, eh? If that's the case, why would Gallagher have been so attached to it? I'm sure Smart wouldn't have just run a story from the first bloke to turn up waving a hat, would he?
Elsewhere in The Sun, Liam opens up to Tim Nixon about how "heartbroken" he is over what Noel said about the Oasis split.
Sorry, did I say "to Tim Nixon"? I meant "Tim Nixon heard Liam saying this on Radio One". Bloody lucky the boss didn't have the BBC shut down, eh, Tim?
[Liam] said: "I don't play games. Competition is for idiots. As long as we are taking care of our business, we'll roast anyone.Yes, Liam Gallagher did say "competition is for idiots" before setting out in detail how Beady Eye is in competition with Noel Gallagher's Magic Flying Chair. I don't think there's anything contradictory in that.
"I'm quite prepared to go head to toe verbally, physically, musically, mentally with Noel Gallagher. We've heard our new tunes and they're big, so bring it on."